I'm used to digest loooooong paragraphs in academic papers, dull as dust. In an article about ass-kicking copywriting, I do expect easy to read and nicely structured text.

I mean, you got away with unstructured long text like that aiming at bots in the past, but that's a thing, well, of the past, too. Certainly you can't apply this style, or better non-style, when you write for human beings on the Web.

My first advice for ass-kicking copywriting is: write for the human eye in a pleasant way that attracts the reader's attention instantly. Surfers scan and skim Web contents, and they lose interest once they don't get the message in 2-3 seconds. That happens when the first paragraph weights a metric ton or two and not a single word is emphasized.

You deliver only overweighted paragraphs. That's a F. Back to the notepad. Insert some P EM STRONG UL OL LI and IMG elements.